Thoughts on Bonding

Thoughts on BONDING
 
 
Bonding is what we have sorely missed in our raising, that loss embedded in the distancing of father and son, and son again down through the generations.  Instead, most of us were raised and lived our lives inside the world of separation, as in — “Let’s hear it for The American Dream.  Let’s hear it for the patriarchy, separating man from woman and smiling man from smiling man, fearful but smiling ever.”
 
Bonding … so important that it deserves a capital B.   Bonding – that closeness, that trust, that allows us to call each other brother … and live it. 
 
Yet, can it be a goal, searched for directly?   And, by powerful intention, have  as a result?
 
Or is Bonding a paradox?
 
Bonding is our natural state.  Upon birth, we bond with mother first and, in the absence of barriers, bond with daddy, relatives and playmates.  But barriers are never absent, not in this culture of separation, competition and perceived shortages.  We were young and the barriers were effective. Most of us grew up non-bonded with our peers, careful, watchful, competitive … and untrusting
 
And, in this culture, perhaps Bonding is a Result, not a thing in itself.    Might it be what occurs naturally… the result … when men speak their truths, trusting each other?  We know Bonding results from our inner work at our Elders Lodge.  It results from our sharing our deepest inner experiences.  That sharing re-habilitates our natural inherent bonding.
 
Yet there is something else that results in bonding.  Ask any Marine.  The outer shared experience of basic training, the comradery of battle.   The set of shared inner experiences that begin by facing a threatening outer experience.
 
Each of these common shared experiences, whether of the outer kind or only of the inner sort, requires a willingness to see things as they truly are and not as we wish or hope they were.  And each requires a sharing of our deepest views and emotions with another.
 
We have, in our Elders Lodge, been working on ourselves powerfully and vulnerably, speaking our inner truths to each other.
 
We three leaders  believe it is time for us to take the strength, trust and confidence we have gained doing that inner work and set it within a larger arena.
 
 We live in the world of others. We live in the world of outer circumstances. We live in a world that is profoundly threatened.   We face a threat…and we believe that deeply inquiring into the situation as it is and sharing our views, attitudes, assumptions and emotions about it… will result in a bonding in our individual psyches. And this will serve the world of others.
 
We are Elders and Elders are in Service.  We are not merely a group of adults who are in competitive service to our own egos and our shadow.   We are in Service with a capital S.  We believe it is appropriate to ask ourselves, as Wise Elders — What and whom do we serve?
 
We believe that we must observe the signs that point to our world as it threatens to be.  And soon might be.   
 
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The Elder’s Prayer

The Elder’s Prayer

All is Change

I Don’t Mind Whatever Happens

This Too Shall Pass

 

All is Connected

What Seems Separate is but Distinction

All is God – Consciousness, Energy, Love

 

I am Whole and Complete

I am All

All is Well

Elders Rock! Now in Hard Copy

“ELDERS ROCK! Don’t Just Get Older: Become An Elder”

“To Be An Elder Means to Live Life in Full-Bloom”

 “The purpose of this powerful book is to restore humanity’s natural Third Stage of Life ― Elder.”

 

Elders Rock! Group

Our Elders Rock! Group in Fort Lauderdale has two great notions: Our world needs the Wisdom of Elders. And we need Elders to teach Elders to teach Elders to teach … and so on. Three months ago two of us initiated such a Group at the Center for Spiritual Living in Fort Lauderdale.

There are no models, so we are making it up as we go along. We are excited to be pioneers in the restoration of Elder as our natural Third Stage of Life.

Here’s our thinking:

Our world has been run by mere adults without Elder Supervision for too long. Our world with its immature You OR Me worldview leaves many of us out. That worldview has led to our present world of sexism, of racism and ageism. As Einstein told us, “The world we have now is a function of the thinking we have done to date.” And that thinking, at its most basic, rests on an immature worldview, a You OR Me paradigm, with its underlying assumptions of separation and perceived shortages.

A world that includes the Wise Elder would have a different worldview ―a You AND Me worldview, a paradigm of inclusion, compassion and sufficiency. A world that works for everyone with no one and nothing left out.

Background:

I woke up one morning with a message. From that space between asleep and awake, the hypnagogic space, I awoke with this, “Bring back Elder. Write a book.”

“Sure.  What’s an Elder?”

The first book I could find on Amazon with ‘Elder’ in the title was In the Arms of Elders by one William H. Thomas, M.D. I loved it. I was inspired. Encouraged, I wrote my book and sent an early draft to Bill. He liked my ideas but said “. . . it just isn’t a book yet.”   It wasn’t. Now it is. Due for release, it is titled, Elders Rock! Don’t Just Get Older: Become an Elder.

But it takes more than one person, more than one book, to restore Elder as our natural Third Stage of life. Dr. Arleen Bump, Senior Pastor of the Center for Spiritual Living read it. “Dr. Thomas is right. And you also are right. Let’s form an Elder Group at the Center.”

……………………………….

Our growing Elder group of eighteen has met four times and each of us has declared, “I am an Elder!”   Our ages range from 52 to 85. We have varied backgrounds but our commonality is what matters. Each of us has long known we were committed to making a difference. The group works with the wisdom attributes of Elder – Compassion, Listening and Acceptance. We are inspired by the Margaret Mead quote, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

We have two events scheduled – a Reception and Book Signing for Elders Rock! On December 4.

The second event is our strong support of Dr. Bill’s Age of Disruption evening here in Fort Lauderdale on November 6. Go Bill!                                       507 words.

The Death of Elder

The Death of Elder

The role of Elder may be more important than either our famous opposable thumb or our sparkling neocortex in defining humanity as a species. Our blindness to that possibility may have destroyed our future.

Einstein said that the world we have now is a perfect correlate with the thinking humanity has done so far. The present state of the world, with its You OR Me paradigm, has been sourced by a pair of false assumptions ― that there are shortages and that we are not connected. These are the false assumptions of a worldwide culture run by Adult, a culture dominated by a cult of adulthood, as geriatrician and author William H. Thomas proposes.

Adult-think is based upon doing and asks, “Can we?” Elder-think, grounded in being, asks, “Should we?” Elder-think is wise, has a long view and is inclusive, based upon love and compassion for all. Elder has a view of a world that works for everyone with no one and nothing left out. It lives within a You AND Me paradigm.

The third stage of life, Elder, is the stage for which our first two stages, Youth and Adult, were intended to prepare us. Adult-think has become so prevalent, so cancerous, that we no longer have an Elder stage. Our precious and species-unique Elder stage has been lost, co-opted by Adult.

Without the instant restoration of our natural Elder stage, with its inherent wisdom, we may have no stages at all: we will no longer exist as a species. The Adult’s destruction of our very nest will be looked back upon by some rare and wise cave-dweller with terrible sadness.

Consider a tree in spring. The new leaves are the green of Youth. The trunk and branches are the Adult. The stabilizing and nourishing roots are the Elder. Humanity is a tree without roots. It will topple in the next high wind.

That storm is rapidly upon us, boiling on the near horizon, visible to all who will look. The loss of Elder as our cherished stage of wisdom has placed our species in great peril. The price for our immaturity will be high indeed. We will be gone.

We must have Elder restored as our natural third stage of life – Wise, Compassionate and Cherished.

Reproduce at Will with Attribution.

HarveyWAustin@Yahoo.com